Sorry is not enough
I have heard I am sorry countless times beginning to think if he was ever truly sorry.
“For every time he had his way with me, he would say he is sorry. The naive me would want to ration his action and look for justification for his actions. I think the problem was actually with me. I saw the look on his face, I felt he was truly sorry. He knelt begging me to forgive him and he didn’t know what came over him. I pitied him and told him it was fine. Although he had caused a lot of damage in my mind, emotions, body and a whole lot more. I felt sorry for him. I justified his actions. It wasn’t intentional. Maybe if I had not gone to his house dressed revealing maybe if I had not… Or could it be that he lost control of his hormones? He said he is sorry, I would let it go.’
’ I am sorry, Tinuke!!!’ I don’t know what came over me. My tank was full and then there was you. The konji was not controllable. I’m sorry, it will never happen again.’
‘The stories above are all just from my head.’
With the recent ongoing event, many ’survivors so to speak have dared to come out and share their stories. For the one’s that their names have been called out, they come up with some ridiculous emotional story saying they are sorry and blaming it on their lack of control or some spiritual forces from their village.
The Nigerian system encourages the ’I am sorry’ without really meaning it. This kind of I am sorry is more like ’ keep quiet and get over with it. Move on life happens.’
This kind of sorry is more like ’what do you want to do now you have said the story. It’s status barred. No justice for the oppressor.’
The kind of sorry you say when you just want a baby to shut up and not report you for collecting his biscuit. This kind of sorry is to shut you up so your voice is not heard. But another time the mother leaves the baby with you to feed, you would still eat his food.
The kind of sorry that is not borne out of being remorseful.
The kind of sorry a cheating husband tells his wife after he has been caught. No, he is not sorry for his actions. He is just sorry that you caught him in the act.
The kind of sorry that an abuser says to his wife after the first slap. Then the next time she is in the hospital and he is saying again ’I am sorry, my hand slipped.’
‘Expression of remorse at times can be a way of manipulating survivors or of gaining public support at the expense of the survivors.’
These sorrys does not fix the damaged womb, the truncated lives, the mental health. Sorry does not fix the damage done!!!! Not even when you are just saying it to fulfil all righteousness.
For your information, we see you. And no it’s not your fault. I blame it on the system that makes this thing difficult. If not you’d be saying you’re sorry from behind the bars.
For all you molesters, rapist, oppressors, cheaters, liars. For all you ’I am sorry’ crew.
It does not fix anything!!!! No, if you had the opportunity you would do it again. So, you are not sorry.
One day the justice system will allow y’all to say your most used word behind bars. Yes, because I know you would do it again.
For the ones that are truly sorry, unfortunately, words do not magically make up for the wrong that has been done. It does not miraculously heal people.
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