Posts tagged Christian marriage

Let’s talk about men and marriage

Let’s talk about men and marriage

Raising my hands, I wondered about the reaction I would get asking this question in a CAC Sunday School class. 

I wouldn’t care what they had to say normally but that was the favourite part of the church service for me- since it gave room to be expressive, not without a bit of judgment of course. 

My desire to get a response to my question outweighed my shyness.

‘Would it be a sin or considered adultery to get pregnant by some sperm donor from the sperm bank?’

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I was going to ask about sex toys but I refrained so I am not overly judged. I was intrigued by the idea of sperm banks and donors as taught in my biology class but I wanted to be sure it wouldn’t lead me to hellfire. 

Let’s talk about men and marriage

While you raise your eyebrows at me, I had a reason for my questions. I berated men while growing up. No, it wasn’t as a result of a personal experience. I was just not comfortable with the imbalance in society. Lol. I took the whole gender inequality to my bones. I remember being involved in a physical fight with this guy in jss2 because of a seat or something.  ‘Blood must flow.’ Either one of us bled or we both bled. LOL

I didn’t want to feel any sort of oppression from men. I wouldn’t collect anything from boys. If I couldn’t afford it, I would rather suffer than receive help from a male species. 

So in one of my thinking moments, I concluded that I wouldn’t get married. I do not want to be under anybody. In engaging my thought, I considered my sexual desires, then I told myself I would resort in some toys or have unattached sexual intercourse with men. LOL. The thought of having kids led to the idea of using a sperm donor, plus it was an added advantage that I could choose the kind of beautiful children to bear. All these thoughts and I wasn’t even up to 15. The mind of a child, they say. 

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Then with the introduction to pornography at a young age, the topic of sex became appalling. With the exposure, contrary to the average person, It didn’t seem appealing to me. So, the idea of sex wasn’t fascinating to me and I wouldn’t even entertain the thought of it. This further affirmed my decision not to get married.

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Then a few of the divorce cases I handled during my internships gave me a misconception that marriages are built to fail. I became fearful. I planned my divorce should in case I get married. I was in a messed up phase on the marriage issue.

Read also:Looking back on the year 2021

 men and marriage

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On my decision to become a better Christian, I decided to follow Paul and Jesus Christs’ paths. I decided to focus on Jesus; no-marriage. 

Later on, I decided to try entertaining the idea of marriage. I read about 5 books on marriages during that period but I still didn’t care about it. 

It was during a prayer time my friend had a revelation on the way I abhor marriage. We prayed about it and did a  study of the book of Ephesians 5.

My understanding of marriage began to change. I saw marriage through the lens of God’s word. I began to desire and pray about it. I began to surround myself with good marriages that mirrored Christ. Now, I know what I want and I want what I want. And I do not want what I do not want. Hence my standard is THE STANDARD. No settling. My ideal relationship is now from God’s word. 

Whether he is in my circle or I am yet to meet him, I trust God’s guidance in making such decisions and so I would hold onto him. 

And for the sex part, hmm like Songs of Solomon I won’t wake it up until the time is right. However in areas of my concern I know and trust God’s direction. Overall, my marriage would be an example of the union between Christ and the church. 

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  1. Men and marriage