I like to write about where I am mentally. But, as the lesson that inspired this prompt explains, I will start with the physical features of where I am right now and build toward where I am mentally.

Prompt: Where is Ifeoluwa at 10:09 AM on 11/27/2024?

I knew this room would be my temporary accommodation, but it has now become my safe haven—my zen. Life has a way of making a joke out of someone’s plans. With my boxes still filled with my clothes, I faithfully believe my time here is limited. However, it has been almost a year, and slowly, the room’s aroma is filling up with Ifeoluwa.

Prayers are stored in every corner of this room, and angels visit every now and then. At first, I made the closet my altar. But with the way houses in the US are structured, my voice could pierce through the walls. Next to that was my cousin’s space, and I had to be respectful and not disturb her quiet.

Soon, every corner of the room became my altar. At some point, I became claustrophobic, but this is my zen—where I am most expressive.

This room is not to my taste or my kind, but I would be lying if I said I do not cherish it. However, when I leave this place and come to visit, I am not sure I will want to stay in this room.

This room bears so many scars from my journey in life—scars that feel overwhelming, and I do not know why they had to be. In this room, I studied for the bar twice and failed. I sent over 1,000 applications and got rejected. In this room, I experienced what I thought was a closed heaven. Sometimes, I feel my prayers are bouncing off the ceiling and not going anywhere near God.

Strangely, though, in this room, I also experienced God. I see angels, and I know I have company in this room. But I do not know why they refuse to show themselves or give me tangible proof of their presence beyond that knowing.

This room is where I stay to calm myself amid the noise of what needs to be done. In this room, gratitude is also stored. I am grateful that I have a place to rest without paying a kobo. It is a privilege I would never take for granted. With a queen-sized bed, TV, table, and chair, it is my zen for 2024.

Although there is not enough room for expression, I have found ways to express myself. Right at the corner of the door is where I stand and hit record. I have not really done much of that. I am not sure why. I guess it is because I am working hard to leave this place.

I mentioned claustrophobia earlier. That is because it is how my mind sees this place now. It is like I am trapped in this room, and every possible means of escape has refused to be effective. It is like I am screaming, and no one is coming to my aid.

In this room, I have had different calls with different people, trying to figure out why I was created—what my hands can find to start doing.

In this room, I have gone through relationship struggles. How do I keep up friendships when I am not even sure what I am on about?

The floors and pillows of this room have absorbed more tears than I could have imagined.

Anxiety, worry, and fear (FAW) were my roommates until I fought them with the word of God. Joy, peace, and rest in God are now my roommates. I consciously have to keep anxiety, worry, and fear out of my room. They creep in in a very unassuming way. With my heart in my mouth, pounding louder than anything I can hear, I wonder how and when they crept in.

With results taking a long time to show up, FAW thinks they have legal grounds against me.

While I wait for my own curated zen, I will build myself in the zen that life has given me. Nurture me into what God has destined for me.

Creative writing

I wrote this for a writing course I took. Unedited entry, just minor grammatical corrections. I thought I could share this one. Let me know what you think.