Posts by lashey

Why Your Friends Are More Important Than You Think

Why your friends are important than you think
Friends that show up.

Why Your Friends Are More Important Than You Think

This one time while scrolling through my Whatsapp, I saw a post of my friend talking about how he felt so uncomfortable calling some of his friends. I responded, asking if he was uncomfortable calling me and well, I was one of the ‘friends’. He felt bad and explained that he did not want to call ranting about how his life is not so good while mine might be the same. He was not the first friend that said that to me. 

While I was preparing for my exams, I got an unusual ‘hi’ from a friend and I responded. But there was no response, so I called him later that night. He said he had a lot on his mind that he wanted to share but couldn’t and so he cried, prayed and got out of that mood. His excuse was I was prepping for exams and didn’t want to be a burden. These two experiences made me reflect on millennial friendships.

Kisses to the intentional friends

What is the meaning of friendship? 

The close friends list on Instagram and Snapchat? Group of people just ‘rooting’ for each other while envious of their success? People you cannot call at your low point because you don’t want them to make fun of you or to see you helpless. People that you do all the fun stuff with but cannot sit and have a meaningful conversation with each other. 

Aristotle calls this kind of friendship ‘accidental’ a kind of friendship that is based on utility and pleasure. A friendship that is not in for the affection rather for what they can get from each other. Most often this kind only lasts pending the duration of the benefits. Although, this may not be totally bad when understood by both parties.

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Then there is the intentional friendship which requires time and trust to build and it depends on mutual growth. Utility and pleasure is a bonus. 

I think it is vital that as we try to navigate the course of our lives, we do not forget to build our friendships, too. Over time, friendship would be one of the few things that matter.

Let your friendship move past a string of interaction over social media. Be more intentional.

Friendship to me is much more than posting each other’s pictures and businesses on social media, or sharing gossip, or how long we have known each other for. It is about knowing that this person may not be perfect, maybe busy most of the time, but still choosing to be in their life anyways.

It is intentional reaching out despite the busy schedule. Making out time for that text, voice note, etc. Sending out open and appreciative messages when my friends least expect. It is about openness, knowing that when the going gets tough, they would always have my back as I would theirs. It is a judgement-free zone, however, being able to spell out the truth in love regardless of how it may hurt.

One thing is certain, sometimes the bond of friendship grows, other times it breaks. But a friendship doesn’t have to be permanent to have a profound effect on your life.

 Friendship in adulthood is one of the highest forms of love imaginable. We are and we live through the people we spend our time with.

Food for thought

Who are your friends? Who do you keep in your circle? Maybe it is time for re-evaluationS. These friends will determine the course of your life indirectly in years to come. 

I wrote this too: I used to be hungry for God- What happened?.

Welcome to my Jordan year- 23 on the 23rd

My Jordan year

Background story

I am always excited and looking forward to my birthday. As a person big on self-love, I would save up to make myself happy and friends too. I always want to maximize the attention I would get on that day. It is not every day you get people greeting you, smiling and waving at you. The paparazzi is nice!!!

My classmates always looked forward to my new clothes (always white as per law student) and the cake. I always want it special for me and don’t mind saving up for just that day. I keep the hair, clothes and then beg my friends to do make up for me. No matter how little, something must be done.

23 was a bit different since it would a rhyme with the actual day. In Babcock, we were four sharing the same day. Michael Oshai had celebrated his 23on the 23rd with his friends. Since that time I bore it in mind that I would do the same with my friends.

I bored my inner circle with how I wanted it to be. Being limited in monetary resources, I looked forward to black Friday, still couldn’t afford anything. (inside life, lol) I had imagined a billion and one things I would have done if I had the money.

I prayed to God about it. But still bothered myself on how it will turn out. (Wahala for who can not rest in Christ) Anyways it did turn out amazing. I have been blessed with strategic people all around me. Provision came. God came through.

Why 23 years equals Jordan year

Anyways while surfing through the net, I found out that 23 is equal to Jordan year. Then I decided to read up on why it was called so.

The number 23 is synonymous to Michael Jordan.  At age 23, Michael Jordan scored sixty-three points versus the Boston Celtics in the NBA playoffs of 1986. (Don’t really know much on basketball but sounds like a good deal) It was the defining age of his career.  Hence 23rd birthday as the Jordan year.

At age 23, the Nigerian environment doesn’t really room for exploring. I thought I’d been an esquire but I am yet to write my bar exams. I barely have clarity as regards so many things. Even after escaping the ASSU strike, only to meet another strike in the Nigerian Law School.

My Jordan year

Regardless of all, I am eternally grateful to God for another year. Being happy that I am alive is a miracle, I somehow wished for death as my tired was tired. But I am excited to live!! And that’s all because of Jesus.

It is a year of an internal voyage, making decisions that would ultimately affect my outward perspective and give me peace. Not focusing on what could have been done but taking a deep breath and ultimately exploiting the opportunities. It is just like any other year but I am defining it with more intentionality with regards to my career, purpose, spirituality and so on. While I may have not achieved a lot as Michael Jordan did at age 23, there are lessons. I am making terrific decisions with regards career, fingers crossed.

PS: Somewhere in my head, I am already planning for my 24th and 25th. Maybe much more will goal setting and preparations sha.

So, I am welcoming you to my Jordan year. This is the year of discipline, sacrifice and consistency.

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My 2020 in summary

A review of 2020

This was supposed to come earlier, however, here we are. This year I was in very high spirit starting this year but it is what it is.

How are you? I have missed writing and I hope to do better this year. (fingers crossed)

Did you make some new year resolutions? If you did, how has the ride been so far?  Are you still committed to your resolutions?

If you’ve failed, hop on your journey back!! The trick is in the systems you create.

My 2020 in summary

I started my last year with the book ‘Atomic Habit’ by James Clear. I think reading this book gave me some sort of clarity. As such, I did not start the year with any resolution or some sort. Instead, I had a vision board for myself. I was also committed to making to being intentional about my everyday life.

I have always done a new year’s resolution since 2016, I guess. Then at the end of each year, I score myself using percentages. Last year, I wanted to be a bit flexible since I thought I’d be in law school all through and considering it was a system I wasn’t aware of, I planned on just going with the flow. However, creating a system that could fit into the Nigerian Law school regardless. Safe to say, my vision board did not see the end of the first quarter.

  • My savings plan was altered because we were on lockdown which translates to no pocket money. I took a saving plan from Twitter, I was faithful for the first quarter of the year. The fruit of which I spent this Christmas.
  • This inadvertently affected my vacation plans with friends. No money, also there was the pandemic.
  • I planned on starting a YouTube channel if I was consistent with my blog. I failed at being consistent with my blog. No genuine reason but I had invested so much time studying for my bar finals, that did not happen. Hence I failed at starting a blog that too.
  • Thought I’d complete law school by the end of the year but that’s on hold till God knows when
  • With regards to spirituality, I was like the church of Laodicea, hot on some occasion, cold on the others. Thankfully towards the end of the year, there was an encounter.

My wins

At some point, during the lockdown, I had to re-strategize on how to be productive during the lockdown.

  • Due to my failing ICSAN exams 2019, I allowed the fear and so I studied judiciously for ‘bar finals’. I completed the syllabus twice. (lol) I can’t remember most of it again. I committed myself to read everyday and rewarding myself with ice cream and sugary things.
  • I cultivated a reading culture. For the first time, I completed a course on Coursera. Something of actual interest. I stuck to a routine. Faithful to my Duolingo, elevate games and reading.
  • Took baby steps in pursuing a career in finance. Read books, articles, YouTube videos. Took in a lot of content on that.
  • I discovered yoga, meditation, mindful practice. It helped a lot during the lockdown. One of the things I was consistent with.
  • Read books.
  • As for spirituality was off and on. Sometimes Bible study was genuine other times it was just to get streaks on my Bible app. Then prayer time was like the chore I disliked. I could go days without anything. Towards the end of the year, I realized I had not fasted. I made amendments sha. My journal has several used pages I am quite surprised though.
  • 2020 also reiterated to me the importance of family. It was the year I had spent the most with them. There was friction here and there but I survived and I am maybe better. Also with friends, I had to register it to my subconscious to reach out from time to time.

Generally, I wasn’t that bad. Lashey did well.

For 2021, no resolution yet. Or I already failed on the one important task, which is posting consistently.

However, I have a mantra for 2021, Discipline, Sacrifice and consistency.

Happy new year

Happy New year!!!

The last post was in the middle of November, No genuine excuse. But I was at that season where I did not feel like doing anything. I didn’t even open my blog or my laptop. A friend had encouraged me to write after a week, I did try but there was nothing. Eventually, I was able to do some writings.

Also, I have had to deal with my wandering mind. Focusing on a particular thing has been a tug of war. I wanted my mind to be bare without any thought. Lost in myself and being able to actually hear my mind speak to me.  I discarded all my routines and was just going with the flow of each day. These things happen sometimes. I am fine now.

Or so I thought not until this year started with its own ‘bad’ news. I had a different thing outlined to post but I had to discard it.

Death is just something no one sees coming sometimes. It is inevitable and a mysterious thing I am yet to find words to describe it. Life literally just moves on. It doesn’t even wait for you to be better. Life is fluid.

If I wait till I am fine to post, it would not come anytime soon.

Here is a half-baked post, just wishing you a happy new year.


Letters to God: Dear God, READ ALSO.