Posts by lashey

My 2020 in summary

A review of 2020

This was supposed to come earlier, however, here we are. This year I was in very high spirit starting this year but it is what it is.

How are you? I have missed writing and I hope to do better this year. (fingers crossed)

Did you make some new year resolutions? If you did, how has the ride been so far?  Are you still committed to your resolutions?

If you’ve failed, hop on your journey back!! The trick is in the systems you create.

My 2020 in summary

I started my last year with the book ‘Atomic Habit’ by James Clear. I think reading this book gave me some sort of clarity. As such, I did not start the year with any resolution or some sort. Instead, I had a vision board for myself. I was also committed to making to being intentional about my everyday life.

I have always done a new year’s resolution since 2016, I guess. Then at the end of each year, I score myself using percentages. Last year, I wanted to be a bit flexible since I thought I’d be in law school all through and considering it was a system I wasn’t aware of, I planned on just going with the flow. However, creating a system that could fit into the Nigerian Law school regardless. Safe to say, my vision board did not see the end of the first quarter.

  • My savings plan was altered because we were on lockdown which translates to no pocket money. I took a saving plan from Twitter, I was faithful for the first quarter of the year. The fruit of which I spent this Christmas.
  • This inadvertently affected my vacation plans with friends. No money, also there was the pandemic.
  • I planned on starting a YouTube channel if I was consistent with my blog. I failed at being consistent with my blog. No genuine reason but I had invested so much time studying for my bar finals, that did not happen. Hence I failed at starting a blog that too.
  • Thought I’d complete law school by the end of the year but that’s on hold till God knows when
  • With regards to spirituality, I was like the church of Laodicea, hot on some occasion, cold on the others. Thankfully towards the end of the year, there was an encounter.

My wins

At some point, during the lockdown, I had to re-strategize on how to be productive during the lockdown.

  • Due to my failing ICSAN exams 2019, I allowed the fear and so I studied judiciously for ‘bar finals’. I completed the syllabus twice. (lol) I can’t remember most of it again. I committed myself to read everyday and rewarding myself with ice cream and sugary things.
  • I cultivated a reading culture. For the first time, I completed a course on Coursera. Something of actual interest. I stuck to a routine. Faithful to my Duolingo, elevate games and reading.
  • Took baby steps in pursuing a career in finance. Read books, articles, YouTube videos. Took in a lot of content on that.
  • I discovered yoga, meditation, mindful practice. It helped a lot during the lockdown. One of the things I was consistent with.
  • Read books.
  • As for spirituality was off and on. Sometimes Bible study was genuine other times it was just to get streaks on my Bible app. Then prayer time was like the chore I disliked. I could go days without anything. Towards the end of the year, I realized I had not fasted. I made amendments sha. My journal has several used pages I am quite surprised though.
  • 2020 also reiterated to me the importance of family. It was the year I had spent the most with them. There was friction here and there but I survived and I am maybe better. Also with friends, I had to register it to my subconscious to reach out from time to time.

Generally, I wasn’t that bad. Lashey did well.

For 2021, no resolution yet. Or I already failed on the one important task, which is posting consistently.

However, I have a mantra for 2021, Discipline, Sacrifice and consistency.

Happy new year

Happy New year!!!

The last post was in the middle of November, No genuine excuse. But I was at that season where I did not feel like doing anything. I didn’t even open my blog or my laptop. A friend had encouraged me to write after a week, I did try but there was nothing. Eventually, I was able to do some writings.

Also, I have had to deal with my wandering mind. Focusing on a particular thing has been a tug of war. I wanted my mind to be bare without any thought. Lost in myself and being able to actually hear my mind speak to me.  I discarded all my routines and was just going with the flow of each day. These things happen sometimes. I am fine now.

Or so I thought not until this year started with its own ‘bad’ news. I had a different thing outlined to post but I had to discard it.

Death is just something no one sees coming sometimes. It is inevitable and a mysterious thing I am yet to find words to describe it. Life literally just moves on. It doesn’t even wait for you to be better. Life is fluid.

If I wait till I am fine to post, it would not come anytime soon.

Here is a half-baked post, just wishing you a happy new year.

 

Letters to God: Dear God, READ ALSO.

Letters to God: Dear God,

Letters to God: Dear God,

 

Dear God; Let's talk
How I feel on the inside. Arrghh!!!

Dear God,

These past weeks have been filled with a rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes I am strengthened, other times I can’t explain how I feel. Every now and then, I just want to shut myself out of the world, I feel numb, without emotions. I silently wished you did not bring me to this world. You know, maybe not experiencing the world would have been better for both of us. Other times, I wish I were dead as it will be a sign of relief from the rush of emotions I feel on a daily.

Dear God,

Some experiences I see, read and face sometimes makes me wonder if you are really watching and consciously not doing anything.

Dear God,

It is often said that your judgment has not come upon the wicked because you are waiting for them to repent. But right now it doesn’t make sense as these government people deserve death. In the same vein, I am not that righteous so what right do I have. At the same time, I think there should be a measurement for sin because these people sins are very great.

That night, 20/10/2020, I wished you had activated the God of Elijah and sent fire to consume those armies. Or no, wait, like the Israelites bible story that the enemies started fighting each other. Unfortunately, we did not seem to get any grand performance that day and not the day after. Our superhero did not show up.

READ ALSO; Most profound things to note on this #endsars protest

Everyone says your judgment on the wicked is soon yet it is way over 60 years in Nigeria and that grand judgment is yet to befall on these wicked people.

On the night of 20/10/2020 while on my bed my mind was filled with the different sight of the gory incident, I could almost swear that the relationship was over. Oh my Gosh, I couldn’t explain how I felt, talking to you wasn’t even possible, even with tuning in with the community of believers to pray. Words failed me, I wasn’t sure if you were listening because ‘if you were’ you’d have sprung into action.

In the same vein, I knew running away from you will only cause more damage to me than I was already. I was broken, friend, I didn’t feel you. I tried praying but I was saying them and not feeling them. My attention was fugitive. My mind is not strong. It is a prey to all sought of intellectual quackery. Yet in praying, it is You who have to pray in us.

I sought for the courage to talk to you and messaged some friends to help me reach you because it seemed like my voice was strange or distant. Thanks to friends as communicating with you was made easier because of them.

I still don’t understand so many things involved in this relationship but what I do know is that doing life alone without you will be very fatal. I just wished I knew more. Knowing you are a purposeful God, sometimes until we die, we don’t get to understand this ‘purpose’.

Letters to God, Dear God
source: Unsplash

Dear God,

About hope, I am somewhat at a loss. Beyond the sweet tongues slides about all that I hope for, I want to feel it active now that I am in despair. Please let your light shine in all that is around me so my hope can come alive. Illuminate every darkness so my hope can come alive. There are a lot of questions and I don’t want the answers from a human you made.

 

Even when the fight seems lost
I’ll praise you
Even when it hurts like hell
I’ll praise you
Even when it makes no sense to sing
Louder then I’ll sing your praise